


I saw my future in your eyes (it scared the fuck out of me)

by ElasticElla



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5062375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone else adapts to being an adult well enough, none of them seem to be stuck awake at night staring at the ceiling and wondering how soon it is before someone sees through them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I saw my future in your eyes (it scared the fuck out of me)

**Author's Note:**

> for the [teen ficathon](http://margottenenbaum.livejournal.com/179779.html)

It's been six months. 

Six months since Blair and Chuck got divorced, three since Blair and Nate and Jenny happened- and Serena still doesn't know if she's more happy about Blair seeming to truly be happy for once, or jealous of how _sure_ Blair is. (Another month in and Blair's screaming in Chuck's face about how they love her and that matters more than a stupid ring or the dreams of a twelve year old. You can't annul a divorce, and she doesn't want a third wedding. Chuck goes to Tokyo and doesn't come back.)

Five months since the truth came out about her Dad and Ivy, four since her Mom took an actual vow of no dating for the year. It only took a week for her to break it with Raina's father of all people, but since then she's kept her pledge as far as Serena knows. Two months since she ran into Ivy and Lola holding hands on the street, and Dan had the nerve to look like he'd expected it all along- like it wasn't a huge plot twist that made Serena reevaluate the past. 

Six months of waking up next to Dan, of seeing her future reflected in his eyes.

Her life feels like it's on an inevitable repeat, and she wants to scream, to run away from it all. It's too heavy, too certain for this early in her life. She wakes up with Carter's number half dialed, remembers she can't come back if she leaves this time, and slowly deletes each digit. 

Everyone else adapts to being an adult well enough, none of them seem to be stuck awake at night staring at the ceiling and wondering how soon it is before someone sees through them. She isn't ready for this life, isn't ready for the way Dan's eyes trip over her fourth finger like there's a proposal stuck in his throat. 

Six months, and she says, “I can't do this.” 

If it were high school, Dan wouldn't have sat down. Then again, he would have just come back to an empty home.

“What's wrong?” Dan asks, and a vindictive piece of her wants to claim he already knows. 

“It's too much,” she says, gesturing to their whole apartment. “We're living together, and paying bills, and grocery shopping, and I'm not ready to play housewife-”

“I'm not asking you to.”

“I thought this was what I wanted, but I was wrong.” 

“Why?” Dan asks, more than a little petulantly. 

“I'm bored.” 

It's not quite a lie, it's definitely not a truth, but it fits. 

“Give me a week,” Dan says, and Serena feels like she's in a strange dream. She'd been expecting anger and yelling, and maybe she doesn't know Dan as well as she thought. 

She talks to Blair about it, and Blair rolls her eyes a lot. 

“You have to grow up sometime Serena, the wild child act won't be cute at forty-seven.” 

And Serena wants to complain that she still has another decade, at least. But Blair's answering a text, and she asks about Jenny's new collection instead. 

That night Dan dances with her under the stars, on their tiny balcony. It's slow and romantic, feels more-so than any dance Serena can remember. Her knees itch to drop, to shatter the illusion, but Dan's cupping her face now, a new promise on his lips. 

“I am never going to propose to you.” 

And Serena shouldn't be grinning so wide, shouldn't have a laugh tickling the back of her throat. She kisses him because it's the best proposal she's ever going to get, because somehow she forgot that he knows her. 

The rest of the night is like any other, but the new knowledge gives everything a shiny-new-perfect feel. It won't last- it never does- but she soaks it up all the same, feeling sixteen again. 

Morning comes with waffles in bed, and Carter bearing the tray. Dan's looking more than a little sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. Serena jumps out of bed, hugging them both close. 

“How did you- I thought you were in Texas?” 

Carter shrugs, thumbing her jaw. “It's too hot and terrible down there, and I heard a special someone was feeling the itch.” 

Serena warms under his gaze, and only just remembers to turn to Dan in askance. 

“Don't worry babe,” Carter says, “Danny boy here loves to share.” 

Serena's breath catches, a new tableau of fantasies playing out for her. 

Dan snorts, rolling his eyes probably, and Serena looks up to hear him say, “Whatever you want love.” 

“I want,” Serena breathes, and the three of them are far too close, just close enough for her to kiss them each in turn. Just close enough to forget why she needed to leave, to forget the telling shadows in his eyes.


End file.
